Three years ago today, I told my husband to meet me at the Travis County Clerk’s office to sign some papers before going camping with friends . And now we have been officially married for six years. Think I can’t add? Guess again.
In Texas, if heterosexual people (I have to say this because unfortunately in Texas we are not all treated equally, but don’t get me started…) who have been living together want to solidify their relationship and get married, they also have the option to pick the date they want to put on the certificate. Just make it up! Out of thin air!
So, what does an early forties couple with a two year old do? We back date it to the same date the year Delilah was born. And voila! We were married April 16, 2007, about eight months before Delilah was born. CONVENIENT. Delilah all of a sudden becomes a preemie and we got pregnant on our honeymoon. Perfect!
There is a lot more to the story, but because I have major work deadlines, I’ll just give you the top level highlights in outline form. Ready?
- Homer, my husband, insists he did not know we were going to the County Clerk’s office to get married. What? Why else would we be going there as a family? To register the car?
- He was not happy with me at all about getting married but he did it anyway.
- This was not a ceremony or a celebration. We were in camping clothes and there wasn’t a lot of smiling going on. He even asked the clerk, “Does this mean that if we sign this we’ll have to go through a divorce if we don’t want to be together anymore? ” My husband, the romantic.
- I was resentful of him for us having moved out of my house and into his, and really, for just about anything he did during the first two years of Delilah’s life and I let him know it.
- At the outset, I wanted to get married because I was worried about all of our separate accounts. He’s a firefighter, we owned (and still own) separate houses, paid our own bills and didn’t “merge” like a typical couple with a child. What would happen to Delilah and I if something happened to him?
- Our bundle of joy was a surprise to us in many ways and we weren’t prepared to commit until we had her. And even after she was born, it took a rogue trip to the County Clerk’s office to fully commit.
So I admit, right now this isn’t looking too good. We sound like a marriage made in disaster right? But wait, there’s more!
- Even though Homer says I “tricked” him into marriage, I still knew he was on board at the county clerk’s office. When Delilah started crying and the clerk looked at her with concern, Homer said, “Don’t worry. She always cries at weddings.” I love his understated humor.
- During my pregnancy in 2007, before the resentment settled in after Delilah was born, Homer proved to be a loving, caring and helpful partner. He helped make being pregnant one of the best times in my life. (I know, yes, I stick by that. I had a great pregnancy. Don’t hate.) He also proved this to me in 2005 when he stuck by me when I miscarried and almost died. My past with him secured my future with him.
- We both were ambivalent about marriage because we had each done it before. I thought it really didn’t matter to me. But on April 16th, three years ago, something inside me changed. I became much more accepting of him as a man and as a father. I reached into myself and brought out the part of me who I knew and who he remembered and I changed. Then, so did he. I was in love again.
- Homer is the most patient man on the planet. No, he’s not perfect and I know that I am definitely not either. But I can’t count on one hand things that bothers me about him. Really. I can’t. Or maybe, I just choose not to because nothing is more important than the way he loves and respects me.
- Life is not necessarily easier now. It is made more difficult by our crazy schedules, my business siphoning from our bank accounts and from our time together as a couple, with the messy house, and an only child who needs our time and attention. Yet, life is wonderful with Homer. With my husband.
- I wouldn’t trade my life with him for anything.
My point of this post is to honor Homer as my husband and as Delilah’s wonderful father. But it’s also to let you know that nothing is ever perfect and nothing is ever as it looks on the outside. We all have our stories. They are worth telling, no matter how messy they might be.
Happy Anniversary Homero. I love you more now than I ever have.
[infopane color=”3″ icon=”0032.png”]Trish Morrison, MBA is the founder and CEO of MomCom® Life, an organization dedicated to creating community and fostering entrepreneurship for moms. Trish is addicted to women’s stories and believes we can change the world through telling ours. She lives in Austin, Texas with her hot firefighter husband Homero and her brilliant daughter Delilah. Trish is a proud feminist who can be found online at momcomlife.com or on Twitter @atxtrish and @momcomaustin. MomUP!®[/infopane]